Bits

My sister in law has recently had a baby girl after two boys; she is totally delighted.  However, she admitted to me that despite her daughter being 4 months old, she still hasn’t got round to naming her bits.  It hasn’t really come up yet, and according to her sons, the main thing is that she hasn’t got any bits to speak of.  But of course, as baby gets older, she will want a name for what’s there.

This is a fairly risqué subject, but one that is close to my heart.  I find that I cannot call either of my children’s bits by the medical term.  They’re just not friendly enough.  Just like I wouldn’t say, ‘Oh dear, you’ve tripped and hurt your fibia’, I’m not going to say, ‘Can you aim your penis INSIDE the toilet bowl.’  It sounds too clinical, graphic and frankly, I don’t like the word.  The same goes for ‘vagina’, which is in fact the wrong word to use anyway, as technically it means ‘the membranous canal leading from the vulva to the uterus in women and female mammals.’  So we should be saying, ‘Don’t forget to wipe your vulva properly.’  I don’t need to explain why I’m not going to use the word ‘vulva’.

So, according to family tradition my son has a willy, and my daughter has a noony (pronouncing a short ‘oo’ as it sounds in ‘good’).  This is an inherited word, passed down from the Jewish side of my family, and I love it.  It is friendly, and somehow sounds how it looks.  Sometimes they are affectionately known as ‘noons’ and ‘wills’ for short.

I passionately believe that noony should be a widely used word, that there should be no doubt about what to call our daughters’ bits, because they are NOT front bottoms, and definitely not an absence of a willy.  They are pretty, useful and eventually, a miraculous gateway to life. So, for those of you who are in any doubt about what to call it, please feel free to use and spread the word.

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1 comment
  1. Josh said:

    inspired post 🙂 in Dutch we have “plasser”. literally translates as “wee-er”. Good enough for me and suits all bit-types

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